How we live our lives

From birth we are taught, programmed with the ways of our family and our society. If we experience a loving environment, we will live out our lives mostly as directed, and enjoy a sense of satisfaction and achievement. We live in a way that we believe is good. We are likely to bring up our own children similarly.

Alternatively, the more that love is absent in our upbringing, the more unstable the foundation of out training and programming. As we live our lives, it is not so easy to feel at peace with living as we were brought up to live.

In the most abusive extremes, it is impossible to fit into society. The values we have learned are irreversibly associated with emotional pain. Those of us with a loving upbringing cant understand why others cant live in the accepted way, and those of us with emotional conflict cannot understand how most people can live a stable, ordinary life – even if we would like to be able to live that way, to try is to suffer.

A healthy society tolerates and accommodates those of us who cannot fit in – allowing us to find our own ways to survive,  heal and contribute as we wish.

A collapsing society punishes those of us who cant fit in, or forces us to live on the fringe of society  – or even in exile, out of sight. One form of exile is forced institutionalization and forced medication – criminalization of non-conformity by societies that have degraded into brutality.

When those of us that cannot fit in, we are forced to conceal our incompatibility. Through overt or covert persuasion, our ability to find a comfortable niche in society is diminished. Therefore, our opportunity to heal from those experiences that have traumatized us, is also interfered with by the distraction of constantly seeking safety.

In the most extreme societies, people are brainwashed so that those in control can use them as a weapon against that threaten their hold on power. This is a form of slavery, where a persons independence and freedom is taken from them. Even children are violated in this way, and used as weapons once they get older. Inevitably, these people are used to attack others in their own society. It is a sign that those in power are no longer of benefit to society, but have long been a great harm. Eventually, collapse of that society is guaranteed.

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How we live our lives

Living by repressed strategies

When we look at the pattern of our lives, we can see that we use certain strategies to deal with the world. Each pattern has a strategy driving it. We may see patterns in our lives, and want to free ourselves from their limiting effect.

We develop these strategies based on childhood decisions and beliefs. Some of these strategies lead to success in our lives. These are not the ones that frustrate us. We are frustrated by the ones that limit our freedom and block our success.

One way for us to work out the strategy behind the pattern is to think it out, keeping in mind the childhood thinking that made it possible. Childhood thinking is forever-everywhere-thinking. As children we make decisions about how we are, and how the world is. We easily create beliefs that apply indefinitely.

More extreme limiting beliefs lead to more extreme strategies. For example, those of us who essentially live like hermits, spending most of our time alone, living in out of the way places, do so because of a strategy, not because of our personality. This strategy requires beliefs about safety being in places about other people. These beliefs require experiences that tell us all people bring danger. This example shows how to trace a pattern to a strategy to a belief. We will know by our emotional reaction,  if there is any truth to the connection.

Another pattern we may see ourselves sometimes live, is desperately seeking help, having a really strong emotional need for help, when difficulties come along in life. We then employ a strategy to get help in proportion to our emotional need for it. Yet it may be an excessive reaction. We probably don’t need as much help as we think we do. We are experiencing a memory of needing help. A memory of a more extreme experience, that led us to believe that difficult times put us in a position of being helpless.

These examples show strategies that are based on emotional memories of past events. They are simply too extreme. In order to have appropriate responses to the sitiation s we have in our adult lives, we need to remove the emotion from the belief. This then stops the strategy, because it is energised by the emotional memory.

The other approach to dealing with extreme strategies is to try to make them less extreme. With our minds we can decide what is logical, and apply our mental energy. This method takes a huge amount of effort, creates enormous struggle in our lives, and doesn’t actually work – because it is treating the symptoms rather than the cause. It is futile.

Better to dig up the emotion, clear the memory of its emotional baggage and limiting belief – and watch the limiting strategy disappear from our lives without further effort.

Living by repressed strategies

Memories of fear

At times, we may feel fear, when it either doesn’t make any sense at all, or it is unnecessarily strong. In these situation we are experiencing a memory of fear. This is a memory of a past event where we experienced fear, yet we have suppressed the memory and are only aware of the fear.

In response to traumatic experiences, our minds can use the technique of separating consciousness. This allows us to forget the experience and survive until we are safe. We are able to put things out of our mind, so that we can focus on protecting ourselves or getting to safety.

The mind takes enough consciousness to contain the emotion of the experience, and places it inside the memory, and files it away. This is the mechanism of intentional forgetting. The consciousness in that memory remains there, stuck at that time, but it is still connected to us.Also it still has access to our 6 physical senses*, and if it notices a situation that reminds it of the initial trauma, it will trigger the feeling in the memory. We will feel fear, yet not understand why.

The stronger the emotion held by the memory, the stronger the emotion felt in the present. Triggering extreme trauma can result in a panic attack. This is possible because consciousness is not actually divisible. We are separate emotions in the same way waves in water are separate. The same is true for our mind. Those forgotten memories cannot be completely separated.

These forgotten memories retain their emotion, often affecting our lives in negative ways. They remain this way until we retrieve and heal them. We can do this once we have found safety, yet our culture teaches us to never allow this healing.

To heal these memories, we need to allow the emotion when it arises. It may be as simple as grieving the emotion away. In some cases we don’t even remember the memory. Other times we need to use healing tools to trace the feel I to its memory. Some therapists have these skills, but most do not. Once we acquire these tools, we can use them ourselves. Whatever way we heal, grieving is required to clear the trapped emotion. We must allow ourselves to cry.

Therapists that are trained to help with PTSD from childhood or war trauma are more likely to know the tools required to clear emotion from intentionally forgotten beliefs.

The mechanism of forgetting, and later healing, is quite simple and easy to understand. Not so easy to do. Its really worth the effort! Initially, emotion released can be overwhelming, but it passes each time, and decreases as healing progresses.

* as well as the 5 physical senses we learn about, there is a sixth. We are a receiver and transmitter of electromagnetic energy and possess a complex energy field. We can send and receive a lot of information with this tool. Also, there is our connection with universal consciousness, that can be interpreted as a non physical sense.

Memories of fear

Depression and despair

Depression and despair are easy to understand. It is a memory of a feeling that you had when something bad happened to you.

Your mind is trying to heal you by releasing the negative energy. Allow it, by releasing the grief or anger or fear.

Then you can relive the memory of the experience that made you sad, and can put that memory in its proper place – your past.

You can use guided meditations or other methods to help you return to the painful memory in a safe way, and release the emotion attached to the memory. Then, that painful experience will no longer hold you back in life. You will be free of that chain.

Depression and despair

When the easiest thing to do is to withdraw from the world

Humans are naturally social, and love to be around others. In fact, it is a basic human need to belong to a community.  Community is the essential mechanism for preserving culture and technology, and humans have evolved to prosper as a community – a group of people who creates together.

Yet some of us withdraw from community. We find it is easier, because of the stress that comes from direct social interaction. This stress is a result of subconscious beliefs, that are inconsistent with the reality that presents itself to us. The beliefs tell us to doubt what we observe.

Rather than enjoying interaction with others, we hold beliefs that tell us what we see is not correct, that something is wrong – beliefs, such as those that relate to our acceptance by others, our value as people, the appropriateness of our behavior, and our value to the surrounding community.

If we hold subconscious beliefs that tell us that we are unworthy in these ways, we will logically mistrust any social indications that suggest we have worth. This is stressful and tiring.

If we hold subconscious beliefs about our lack of worth, it will simply be easier for us to withdraw from our community. We will find a compromise between the stress of socialization and the irrepressible need to socialize. We may live without any community, even if surrounded by people.

Correcting false subconscious beliefs about our worth will transform our lives and allow us to sustainably belong to a community. These subconscious beliefs come from emotional experiences that suggested we have little worth to those in our community. The beliefs that are held match the experience that created them.

Childhood is the most common source. As a child our community is small. If everyone around us treats us as if we have no worth, we will conclude that we have no worth, and therefore, we expect that all people will treat us this way. If everyone around us consistently blames us and says we are at fault and should be punished, we will conclude that we are always at fault, and we expect that everyone will always treat us accordingly.

As children, experiences that persist, become a large percentage of our life, and we are likely to conclude that it will continue indefinitely.

With the expectation of continued suffering, we grow up and try to live in the world. Our subconscious beliefs, our childhood conclusions, constantly project their expectations into our conscious mind. We learn to ignore it, but it never goes away, it never becomes easy.

Subconscious beliefs, true and false, influence our lives by subtly projecting expectations into our conscious mind. But, the mechanism of projecting subconscious beliefs that causes us suffering, is also the tool that allows us to heal. It must enter our conscious mind to affect us, and because it is in our conscious mind, we can identify it. We can decide to stop ignoring the projected expectations, start observing, and finally identify our false beliefs. Once identified, we can correct them. It is especially useful to correct these false beliefs by expressing the emotions we feel when we identify or consider the belief.

When the easiest thing to do is to withdraw from the world

The fallacy of hopelessness

Most of us have experienced the feeling that there is no hope, no way out of this “mess”.

This occurs when our mind is unable to think of a way out of a situation it finds awful. our set of beliefs about life and the situation, cause a dead end. we are stuck.
essential for this feeling, is the inability to turn to the heart for the solution. the heart always has a solution, a way out, and it is only by being really disconnected that we have the possibility of feeling hopeless.

In this situation, the mind is totally wrong.

the feeling of hopelessness is actually a built-in mecahnism to repair faulty beliefs. yet faulty beliefs can be used to disrupt this mechanism. the human mind is a complicated thing, because it has the capacity to hold a large number of logical inconsistencies – a very useful ability you will inevitably appreciate.

the way to get out of this experience of hoplessness is to allow the emotions to do the job they do so well. we can express those emotions in a place that allows it to be done freely. but, without letting the mind trick us into taking any action while we are letting the emotions repair our mind. decisions are not to be made during this process.

generally, at some stage in the process, there will be tears. This interesting biological behavior seems to be associated with a state of super-thinking – im not sure how to describe it in another way. While crying, there is a capacity to destroy false beliefs that cannot be matched by any therapy i know. Crying has a great influence on our beliefs and state of mind. Specifically, things we are attached to or that we think are important, no longer hold us trapped. We are able to let go of things that we couldnt let go before crying.

We need observe only once the connection between the feeling of hopelessness and the subsequent healing of the mind from false beliefs. From that moment, we never need to worry about feeling hopeless, because we now recognise it as a precursor to healing and improvement in our lives. This doesnt mean we will never get stuck in this feeling again, but it certainly means we will quickly remember to let our emotions do the work, and start our healing.

The fallacy of hopelessness