When I follow my heart …

When I follow my heart, I am full of energy and my body is light and young. When I follow my minds fearful directions, I am weary, and my body is old and heavy.

When I follow my heart …

Uncertainty is good

Many of us have concluded that uncertainty is something to be feared. This has happened because we have had experiences that associate the feeling of uncertainty with experiences of harm or trauma.

Once we make this conclusion about uncertainty, we lose the ability to use uncertainty as a tool, a measurement and a guide for our lives. Uncertainty doesnt necessarily mean danger is coming. It is much more useful than that.

There are different kinds of uncertainty. There is the uncertainty that tells us to not act yet, to wait for clarity. There is the very different kind of uncertainty that tells us the situation we are in may be undesirable, and we can take action to leave that situation, change our direction, or change our interaction with the situation. There is another very different uncertainty that comes with a feeling of excitement, that tells us the idea we are considering, or the path we are traveling, will bring unknown experiences, yet the universe sees them as good. The message is that this is the right path and the details will come later – begin the journey now and trust in our ability to listen to our guidance system, to take the right action at the right time.

Once we stop reacting with fear, we can start learning about this part of our guidance system. We can observe and learn how to interpret the information that is being presented to us. We can get a lot more out of our life because we can follow our inspiration, rather than live in a cage of our own fear.

Uncertainty is good

Keeping silent about past trauma

We often dont speak out about our childhood traumatic experiences or war trauma.

Great fear is attached to speaking out, especially for child abuse survivors – fear taught at the time of abuse. In extreme circumstances, that extends to a fear of punishment, torture and death.War veterans are also made to feel their stories are unwelcome. Governments that wish to continue using war to retain power do not want veterans revealing the truth of war.

Also, tools such as money are used to maintain victim silence. It is sometimes called silence money – it is given to the victim in a trickle over time, it stimulates silence programming and helps keep them silent. The survivor will remain poor and silent as long as this money is accepted. Some people consider state welfare as a kind of silence money when applied to these situations. However, it is very important that we speak out and tell our story anyway. speaking out is an essential part of healing from the trauma.

We also notice that the general public doesnt really want to hear about our abuse or trauma. People become uncomfortable around us once they know about our traumatic experiences. Some may just avoid us after that. We may decide to just not tell anyone, but this is not a strategy that will lead to healing. A better strategy is to select those who we tell. We can publish our story online, see a therapist, tell our story in a support group. these are all great ways to stimulate healing. Then we can freely enjoy time with out friends and workmates.

Releasing our story is an extremely beneficial part of healing. We may not be able to release the traumatic emotion attached to our memories without first telling our story. We may find that we release an enormous burden of emotion while we tell our story.

If we still have such a great fear of speaking out, publishing our story anonymously online may be the perfect solution. There are some web services that allow us to create our own web pages and sites for free. Although it is anonymous, it is still very effective at releasing emotion and allowing us to progress in our healing. It shows that the important thing is to release the truth so that is is not kept within, so that it doesnt continue to damage our lives.

As long as we keep secrets, we cannot be our true selves. Secrets hold us back in life, and prevent us from expressing ourselves in the world. Releasing the secrets doesnt suddenly turn us into a person that has never suffered abuse. That is our truth and we retain that all our lives. But our truth empowers us to live life as we truly wish, whereas suppressed truth keeps us in a place of suffering and weakness.

Keeping silent about past trauma

Memories of fear

At times, we may feel fear, when it either doesn’t make any sense at all, or it is unnecessarily strong. In these situation we are experiencing a memory of fear. This is a memory of a past event where we experienced fear, yet we have suppressed the memory and are only aware of the fear.

In response to traumatic experiences, our minds can use the technique of separating consciousness. This allows us to forget the experience and survive until we are safe. We are able to put things out of our mind, so that we can focus on protecting ourselves or getting to safety.

The mind takes enough consciousness to contain the emotion of the experience, and places it inside the memory, and files it away. This is the mechanism of intentional forgetting. The consciousness in that memory remains there, stuck at that time, but it is still connected to us.Also it still has access to our 6 physical senses*, and if it notices a situation that reminds it of the initial trauma, it will trigger the feeling in the memory. We will feel fear, yet not understand why.

The stronger the emotion held by the memory, the stronger the emotion felt in the present. Triggering extreme trauma can result in a panic attack. This is possible because consciousness is not actually divisible. We are separate emotions in the same way waves in water are separate. The same is true for our mind. Those forgotten memories cannot be completely separated.

These forgotten memories retain their emotion, often affecting our lives in negative ways. They remain this way until we retrieve and heal them. We can do this once we have found safety, yet our culture teaches us to never allow this healing.

To heal these memories, we need to allow the emotion when it arises. It may be as simple as grieving the emotion away. In some cases we don’t even remember the memory. Other times we need to use healing tools to trace the feel I to its memory. Some therapists have these skills, but most do not. Once we acquire these tools, we can use them ourselves. Whatever way we heal, grieving is required to clear the trapped emotion. We must allow ourselves to cry.

Therapists that are trained to help with PTSD from childhood or war trauma are more likely to know the tools required to clear emotion from intentionally forgotten beliefs.

The mechanism of forgetting, and later healing, is quite simple and easy to understand. Not so easy to do. Its really worth the effort! Initially, emotion released can be overwhelming, but it passes each time, and decreases as healing progresses.

* as well as the 5 physical senses we learn about, there is a sixth. We are a receiver and transmitter of electromagnetic energy and possess a complex energy field. We can send and receive a lot of information with this tool. Also, there is our connection with universal consciousness, that can be interpreted as a non physical sense.

Memories of fear

Withdrawing from the world

Some of us withdraw from the world, avoiding contact with others, because it is just more comfortable begin away from people. We may still enjoy interacting with people, but generally we end up withdrawing, as a default behavior.

For humans, social withdrawal is an extraordinary behavior. Social contact is one of the most powerful human needs. Humans that forego this need do so for extraordinary reasons. That reason is fear of everyone doing us harm. It necessarily requires traumatic experiences where we are harmed not only by those people in our everyday community, but by strangers. It is the harm also by strangers that leads us to withdraw from everyone.

Harm from strangers needs to be physical harm. Because they are not part of our everyday community, psychological harm is not really possible. They have no importance to us. Physical harm by strangers teaches us that we must fear everyone. We learn that all the world is against us, because we have no way of identifying those who may harm us – it could be anyone, anywhere.

Usually, this kind of abuse is indended to achieve this psychological result. It is rarely spontaneous. Beatings by strangers is an important event in ritual abuse. It teaches there is no escape, the whole world is against us.

Once we grow up and can be free of those that abused us, its important that we reassess these experiences and the beliefs they instilled in us. The reality is that only a small number of people wanted to hurt us. Most people have no bad intentions toward us.

We can know when we are around bad people. We are really familiar with their energy signatures and we can easily stay away from them. The rest of the world is fine and can be trusted. The world allows us to live in it, and live as we wish to. We can enjoy a satisfying life and we can follow our dreams. The world allows us.

Withdrawing from the world

Depression and despair

Depression and despair are easy to understand. It is a memory of a feeling that you had when something bad happened to you.

Your mind is trying to heal you by releasing the negative energy. Allow it, by releasing the grief or anger or fear.

Then you can relive the memory of the experience that made you sad, and can put that memory in its proper place – your past.

You can use guided meditations or other methods to help you return to the painful memory in a safe way, and release the emotion attached to the memory. Then, that painful experience will no longer hold you back in life. You will be free of that chain.

Depression and despair

fear of money caused by child abuse

Many of us have negative beliefs about money, and this prevents us from manifesting a lot of money in our lives. But we are comfortable with enough money to live well, although we dont become wealthy.

But there are some of us that fear money so much that we avoid it. Doing something for money is a very stressful experience for us. We avoid it whenever possible. When we have it we feel more secure because we can buy what we need. But we will let it run low, or even run out, because of our fear of getting more. We stay very poor, often requiring financial help from government or others, even though it is very stressful to receive that help. We are likely to struggle with money all our lives. We may become homeless or destitute or commit suicide. Our lives are very difficult.

This belief about money, this strong fear, is caused by a trauma associated with money. An example of such trauma is child prostitution. For those of us who experienced being sold to adults for sex, we associate money with an impending awful experience. Getting money means getting raped. Getting money means we must do something that we wish to die to avoid. In that childhood experience, the payment comes first and is often not concealed from us. In ritual abuse it is important that we see the money being paid, because the intention is to make us afraid of money.

To recover from this fear, we can use different techniques to uncover and grieve away the fear. It is not easy to do this, but it means that live can become livable. There are some online resources and within these are described ways of healing that help.

fear of money caused by child abuse