Trauma and Recovery

When we suffer the trauma of abuse or other experiences that are overwhelmingly unpleasant, we dissociate. This is a natural mechanism that allows us to survive trauma.
But, dissociation is only the first half of surviving trauma.

Later, when the danger has passed, we must reassociate. We must return to the trauma in our mind and rejoin with the emotional effect of it. In this way we can bring together the parts of our mind that was split by the traumatic experience.

Once rejoined, that part of our mind can again function normally and contribute to our improved survival. We can get on with life.

This mechanism to deal with trauma is quite amazing. We naturally and unconsciously separate our response to trauma into 2 pieces in our mind. Its automatic. The physical experience cant be postponed, but the emotional effect in the mind can be separated and put safely aside. Later, the emotional effect, which was separated and postponed, can be dealt with at our convenience. Its so great we have this naturally inbuilt mechanism to protect our mind from the full effect of traumatic experiences.

When the trauma is too great, we simply can’t cope with both the physical and emotional trauma simultaneously. Splitting allows us to cope, and later we can return in physical safety to complete the process of survival.

Yet, if we dont return later and rejoin the separated parts of our mind that hold the trauma, we remain ‘damaged’ (uncompleted) and cannot return fully to our lives.
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I want to thank Athena and Bobbi from traumarecoveryuniversity.com for inspiring this realization in me. I was watching their 2 hour video special on accepting the reality of abuse. As always, their videos inspire light bulbs in my understanding.

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Trauma and Recovery

We are not damaged by abuse

One aspect of our abuse is the feeling we have that we are permanently affected, damaged, by the abuse we survived.

Yes, we are affected by our abuse, that is the intention. But we are not damaged. We are able to fully heal. Our full healing, is inevitable, eventually.

Our abuse is part of our development as a spirit. It does not harm our spirit, but it loads programming onto our spirit. Programming that can be changed. Our spirit can carry beliefs to subsequent lives. This allows our beliefs to set up our life experience, lifetime after lifetime.

Its important to understand that our life experience is caused by programming. Our beliefs lead to thoughts that then lead to certain emotions. Our beliefs are the controlling factor in our life experience. And our beliefs are programmed.

To change our life experience, we simply need to reprogram our spirit. When we change our programming, our thoughts and feeling change to match it. The most important thing for us to do is to find out what our programming is and how to change it.

We can use guided visualizations, that trace our feelings and thoughts, and beliefs, back to their origin, where we can consciously reprogram ourselves. We keep tracing these things back and reprogramming until we have cleared out all the false beliefs that influence our lives.

We need to identify the thoughts and feelings and beliefs to trace them back. We don’t need to continue experiencing them. When we begin to use these methods to trace back, to remember the original source of these beliefs, we realize that we are using a natural capacity, we are naturally set up to be able to do this. There is no abuse or programming we cant heal.

We are not damaged by abuse

Extreme abuse and Narcissism

Those of us that have experienced extreme abuse can benefit greatly from learning about Narcissistic abuse. The patterns of narcissistic abuse match extreme forms of abuse very well. We can learn so much about our own relationship patterns and their cause, from studying this topic.

This is my recommendation for research. Information about Narcissism and codependency, especially regarding adult relationships, is widely available. I recommend people such as Ross Rosenberg and YouTube channels such as “begood4000” and “Melanie Tonia Evans”, as I find their teachings quite calm, reasoned and realistic. I have found some people online that express a lot of anger when talking about this issue and I find this is not helpful for me – yet it may be exactly what you need.

I strongly recommend learning about Narcissistic abuse, as a way to accelerate healing from past abuse.

Extreme abuse and Narcissism

Keeping silent about past trauma

We often dont speak out about our childhood traumatic experiences or war trauma.

Great fear is attached to speaking out, especially for child abuse survivors – fear taught at the time of abuse. In extreme circumstances, that extends to a fear of punishment, torture and death.War veterans are also made to feel their stories are unwelcome. Governments that wish to continue using war to retain power do not want veterans revealing the truth of war.

Also, tools such as money are used to maintain victim silence. It is sometimes called silence money – it is given to the victim in a trickle over time, it stimulates silence programming and helps keep them silent. The survivor will remain poor and silent as long as this money is accepted. Some people consider state welfare as a kind of silence money when applied to these situations. However, it is very important that we speak out and tell our story anyway. speaking out is an essential part of healing from the trauma.

We also notice that the general public doesnt really want to hear about our abuse or trauma. People become uncomfortable around us once they know about our traumatic experiences. Some may just avoid us after that. We may decide to just not tell anyone, but this is not a strategy that will lead to healing. A better strategy is to select those who we tell. We can publish our story online, see a therapist, tell our story in a support group. these are all great ways to stimulate healing. Then we can freely enjoy time with out friends and workmates.

Releasing our story is an extremely beneficial part of healing. We may not be able to release the traumatic emotion attached to our memories without first telling our story. We may find that we release an enormous burden of emotion while we tell our story.

If we still have such a great fear of speaking out, publishing our story anonymously online may be the perfect solution. There are some web services that allow us to create our own web pages and sites for free. Although it is anonymous, it is still very effective at releasing emotion and allowing us to progress in our healing. It shows that the important thing is to release the truth so that is is not kept within, so that it doesnt continue to damage our lives.

As long as we keep secrets, we cannot be our true selves. Secrets hold us back in life, and prevent us from expressing ourselves in the world. Releasing the secrets doesnt suddenly turn us into a person that has never suffered abuse. That is our truth and we retain that all our lives. But our truth empowers us to live life as we truly wish, whereas suppressed truth keeps us in a place of suffering and weakness.

Keeping silent about past trauma

Withdrawing from the world

Some of us withdraw from the world, avoiding contact with others, because it is just more comfortable begin away from people. We may still enjoy interacting with people, but generally we end up withdrawing, as a default behavior.

For humans, social withdrawal is an extraordinary behavior. Social contact is one of the most powerful human needs. Humans that forego this need do so for extraordinary reasons. That reason is fear of everyone doing us harm. It necessarily requires traumatic experiences where we are harmed not only by those people in our everyday community, but by strangers. It is the harm also by strangers that leads us to withdraw from everyone.

Harm from strangers needs to be physical harm. Because they are not part of our everyday community, psychological harm is not really possible. They have no importance to us. Physical harm by strangers teaches us that we must fear everyone. We learn that all the world is against us, because we have no way of identifying those who may harm us – it could be anyone, anywhere.

Usually, this kind of abuse is indended to achieve this psychological result. It is rarely spontaneous. Beatings by strangers is an important event in ritual abuse. It teaches there is no escape, the whole world is against us.

Once we grow up and can be free of those that abused us, its important that we reassess these experiences and the beliefs they instilled in us. The reality is that only a small number of people wanted to hurt us. Most people have no bad intentions toward us.

We can know when we are around bad people. We are really familiar with their energy signatures and we can easily stay away from them. The rest of the world is fine and can be trusted. The world allows us to live in it, and live as we wish to. We can enjoy a satisfying life and we can follow our dreams. The world allows us.

Withdrawing from the world

Not Trusting the Universe

Many of us dont trust the universe. We see the world as separate from us and hostile. A place where we can get hurt. This is what we have learned from our traumatic experiences, especially in childhood. Its fair to say that an experience that causes us to believe the universe is not a safe place, that cant be trusted, is a traumatic experience.

If traumatic experiences are severe enough, we can develop a set of beliefs that place us in opposition to the world for the rest of our lives. We may think that:

  •  the world is against us,
  •  there is no hope,
  •  there is no point in trying,
  •  other people will only hurt us,
  •  we are unworthy,
  •  etc…

If we do nothing to correct these misunderstandings, we will live a life of poverty with regard to that part of the universe that we reject. We will exclude all things we believe will harm us. For the most extreme levels of trauma and child abuse, we may end up like a poor hermit, having learned to fear family, friends, money, community, even place – all the things associated with our trauma. There is no limit to our capacity to exclude, but we will only do so for a good reason.

The reality is that we are an inseparable part of the universe and our beliefs shape and manifest our experience in life. We are able to exclude things from our lives because we are part of the universe, OF the universe. If we were separate from the universe, we would have no power to influence or exclude any of it.

Without these false beliefs, we can trust the universe. We can be a part of the world and enjoy our time in it. We will see all the opportunities presented to us. We will get excited about things and pursue our dreams. We will understand:

  •  we are with the world,
  •  there is opportunity,
  •  our dreams are achievable,
  •  other people want us in their community,
  •  we are worthy,

In our wisdom we can exclude those parts of the world that dont serve us, and place ourselves according to our wishes. We can attract what we want around us.

However, for those of us who hold these negative beliefs about the universe, there is work to be done. It took time and suffering to take on these beliefs. It will take time and effort to correct them.

Our minds go through phases. When we are in the phase of sadness or depression, that is the time to choose to express those feelings. We can find a safe place for this and decide to not express onto other people, nor to make any life decisions based on sadness or depressed thinking. Its a time to creatively express those emotions and allow them to come out naturally. When we allow this we will also notice the beliefs that are associated with these feelings. We have the opportunity to question those beliefs and correct them.

Beliefs make use sad because they are in conflict with what we deeply know to be true. Some limits we know to be true and we can accept, and never feel sad about it. It is the sadness that tells us we believe things that are not true.

Not Trusting the Universe