We are not damaged by abuse

One aspect of our abuse is the feeling we have that we are permanently affected, damaged, by the abuse we survived.

Yes, we are affected by our abuse, that is the intention. But we are not damaged. We are able to fully heal. Our full healing, is inevitable, eventually.

Our abuse is part of our development as a spirit. It does not harm our spirit, but it loads programming onto our spirit. Programming that can be changed. Our spirit can carry beliefs to subsequent lives. This allows our beliefs to set up our life experience, lifetime after lifetime.

Its important to understand that our life experience is caused by programming. Our beliefs lead to thoughts that then lead to certain emotions. Our beliefs are the controlling factor in our life experience. And our beliefs are programmed.

To change our life experience, we simply need to reprogram our spirit. When we change our programming, our thoughts and feeling change to match it. The most important thing for us to do is to find out what our programming is and how to change it.

We can use guided visualizations, that trace our feelings and thoughts, and beliefs, back to their origin, where we can consciously reprogram ourselves. We keep tracing these things back and reprogramming until we have cleared out all the false beliefs that influence our lives.

We need to identify the thoughts and feelings and beliefs to trace them back. We don’t need to continue experiencing them. When we begin to use these methods to trace back, to remember the original source of these beliefs, we realize that we are using a natural capacity, we are naturally set up to be able to do this. There is no abuse or programming we cant heal.

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We are not damaged by abuse

Extreme abuse and Narcissism

Those of us that have experienced extreme abuse can benefit greatly from learning about Narcissistic abuse. The patterns of narcissistic abuse match extreme forms of abuse very well. We can learn so much about our own relationship patterns and their cause, from studying this topic.

This is my recommendation for research. Information about Narcissism and codependency, especially regarding adult relationships, is widely available. I recommend people such as Ross Rosenberg and YouTube channels such as “begood4000” and “Melanie Tonia Evans”, as I find their teachings quite calm, reasoned and realistic. I have found some people online that express a lot of anger when talking about this issue and I find this is not helpful for me – yet it may be exactly what you need.

I strongly recommend learning about Narcissistic abuse, as a way to accelerate healing from past abuse.

Extreme abuse and Narcissism

Thought, beliefs, memories and feelings

Understanding the relationship between thoughts, beliefs, memories and feelings helps us to see how we are going in our healing.

At the surface, in our lives we notice feelings. It is our feelings that determine how we go about our lives. Too much negative feelings will hold us down and prevent us from progressing in our lives. Positive feelings will allow us to go for what we really want in life.

When we observe ourselves, we see that certain feelings are associated with certain thoughts. We can observe the associations, the patterns in our thinking. It can be hard to see how these thoughts begin. It is important to understand that it starts with our memory being triggered.

Things in our environment often remind us of a memory. Our mind is set up to work this way in order to understand the world, help us to avoid harm and allow us to find more good things. If that memory has a negative feeling associated with it, we will feel that feeling. Then the feeling can trigger other memories with that feeling, and we spiral into negativity. This is only possible if we have many memories with negative feelings attached to them. Alternatively, if we have a lot of positive memories, they can be triggered to spiral into positivity and empowerment – something we enjoy and often not want to change.

These memories are in turn, associated with beliefs, which are expectations of an experience being repeated. Beliefs are based on our observation of patterns of experiences, as well as things we have learned from others – such as things we are told as children by those we depend on. Having a belief that a negative experience will happen again will amplify the negative feeling, far above the actual feeling attached to the memory. No matter how big the feeling, it always has a negative memory at its core.

If we want to interrupt this process of spiraling negativity, we can remove the triggers of the negative memories, or we can remove the negative emotions from the memories. We can also correct the beliefs, the amplifiers of our memories. We can find a new environment where the negative memories are not so often triggered. This will make the problem occur less often. Trying to remind ourselves of positive things will only hold off the negative memories for a while. Its a short term solution that doesnt solve our problem.

The only long term fix for this issue is to remove the negative emotion from the triggered memories. Then, when these memories are triggered, they cannot cause us to feel negative. We remain positive and empowered. Correcting beliefs alone will not fix the core problem. It will make the negativity reaction we have much less, but it will still occur.

The natural mechanism for removing negative emotion from memories is crying. When we cry we are actually grieving the loss of some part of our selves, our life. The more negative experiences we have had, the more crying we need to do to heal it. When we cry, we also correct the beliefs associated with the memory, because once the emotion is removed from the memory, it becomes easy for the mind to correct the beliefs associated with the likelihood of it reoccurring.

There are so many methods to help us more quickly and easily identify and correct our beliefs, emotional memories, and generally dig things up to be healed. Yet most important of all is our inbuilt tool of crying, to remove emotion from memories, so that all of the mindset that rests upon that memory collapses. We benefit greatly from using methods we learn for healing ourselves emotionally, and they assist, and help our inbuilt tools of crying, dreaming and memory-revision. These methods can help us identify memories that are hard to uncover, and save us a huge amount of time.

Thought, beliefs, memories and feelings

Truth and Belief

Often the words truth and belief are used interchangeably. Yet their meaning is very different.

Truth is a word that means “what actually is”. It is irrelevant what people believe to be true. Belief has no influence on the truth. There are some truths that nobody knows, about something that is. Yet it still is. Truth exists, whether people know it or not.

There are 2 main kinds of truth. Truths that are defined by people, and truths that are defined by nature. We can point at a cat and say it is a cat. This is true because it has been pre-defined. We can look at the earth and say it is spherical, not flat. This is a truth defined by nature – the earth is either spherical or it is not. We rely on evidence to decide what we believe to be true.

Belief is opinion. A belief is what we THINK is true. We can believe the earth is not a sphere, yet our belief does not make the earth what we believe it to be. The earth will continue to retain its shape regardless of what humans on its surface believe. Humans hope to know the truth of something, by observing and considering evidence. But humans cannot control the truth they do not define.

A person who believes the earth is flat will highlight certain observations made, and will not mention other evidence that may not support their belief. One who believes the earth is a sphere will point out evidence that supports their conclusion, and ignore whatever does not support their belief. Both groups cannot be correct about what the shape of the earth is. Both cannot be true.

In order to know the truths defined by nature, by the universe, we must rely on the scientific method to collect evidence, postulate and test theories. We cannot make an arbitrary definition. The universe will not change its nature to suit our demands.

With regard to the shape of the Earth, we can point to other evidence such as the earths magnetic field, star charts made from different locations, and the coriolis force (that causes tubs to drain in different directions in the northern and southern hemisphere) to help us decide what is true. These things combined with other evidence, make it increasingly likely that the truth is that the earth is spherical, and increasingly unlikely that it is flat. The likelihood that the earth is spherical is so strong that most of us accept that it is so, and dont think about it further.

There are many truths that are simply not yet known by humans, and people argue about that their belief is the one that matches the natural truth. Insufficient evidence is no impediment to opinion. And belief is opinion.

Truth and Belief

Narcissism and Codependency

If we have relationship problems, learning about Narcissism and Codependency as relationship strategies is very helpful. The narcissist is the pathological controller, and the codependent is the pathological appeaser. Learning about these behavior patterns opens up so much understanding about how human relationships work when basic emotional needs have not met early in life.

Generally the information available will make a clear distinction between the two relationship strategies, and how these 2 opposite strategies fit together and supply each others emotional addictions.

The next level of understanding comes from the realization that every narcissist has some degree of codependency and vice versa. When we have made the decision to heal ourselves from being a codependent, we must not exclude the possibility that parts of our mind think in narcissistic ways.

Its great to learn about our patterns of behavior and then raise our rate of healing, but its important to explore all the possible ways we need to heal.

Narcissism and Codependency

The beliefs behind the thoughts

To think, is to create.

Our thoughts guide us in our lives, directing our actions. So it is that our beliefs, through their control over our thoughts, control what happens to us. Our beliefs control what we achieve, and what we don’t achieve, in our lives.

Our thoughts are a product of the beliefs we hold in our minds. Most of these beliefs are from other people, given to us in childhood – before we had the ability to question or think critically.

Yet we rarely observe our thoughts. We are too busy, living life as we are programmed, to make any attempt at changing the program. We rarely have a clue as to the content of our programming.

When we are dissatisfied with our lives, we can make a decision to change. Yet we don’t know how. Some changes we cannot make, and don’t understand what is limiting us.

By observing our thoughts, we can understand the beliefs behind them. The relationship is very logical, even if the belief is not logical. We can take the time and make the effort to observe ourselves.

Its not enough just to observe, we must also act. We must go back to the origin of the belief – the experience that created it – so we can correct it. Then we we see our lives easily transform. To try to change our lives without changing our beliefs is too difficult. We will only experience the suffering of being at war with ourselves.

There are many ways to change our beliefs. Some can be changed simply by learning better beliefs, but most must be corrected by going to the root of the belief. Using guided visualizations, therapy of different kinds, hypnosis of different kinds, and other techniques designed to correct beliefs, we can change our lives the easy way.

Beliefs are the creators of our lives, and we can recreate our lives most easily by correcting our beliefs.

The beliefs behind the thoughts

The feeling of not belonging anywhere

some of us just cant find a place to fit in, and in the rare times we feel at home somewhere, it doesnt last.

it is a logical conclusion that the belief that we dont belong anywhere will lead to this experience of life. This is true for all beliefs: if we have them, we will be able to observe the logical expression of them in our lives.

For us who cannot belong because of this belief, we will regularly move on to new places and situations, we will be restless and unable to settle down. All because of one belief.

We may also hold this belief in more than one way. Perhaps we use a guided visualization, alone or with another, and heal one aspect of this in our lives – but then find that nothing changes. We must find all the instances of this belief in ourselves. This includes all the versions of it, some of which are here:

I dont belong here. I dont belong anywhere. I dont fit it. I cant stay here. Its dangerous here. This is not the place for me. Im searching for my home. I shouldnt be here. I cant settle down. I cant connect with this person, place or situation.

There are many more versions of this belief that can affect us. We will experience a feeling, an emotional response to the ones that affect us, when we read or say them. We can work on those.

The feeling of not belonging anywhere